Home / 恋愛 / 都合のいい女にならない方法

都合のいい女にならない方法

悲しい女

「会いたい」というのはいつも私の方から。クリスマスや彼の誕生日といったイベントは忙しくて会ってくれない。彼は私のことを本当に好きなの?

こんなことを考えはじめてしまうと、どんどん負のスパイラルにおちいります。そして頭によぎるのが「もしかして私は都合のいい女なのでは」

「会いたい」と言われデートに向かっても、体の関係が終わるとすぐに帰りたい素振りをみせる彼。いつも尽くしているのは自分ばかり。本命の彼女にする気はないけど、なんとなく暇なとき。そんなときだけ「会いたい」と呼ばれる「都合のいい女にならない方法」をご紹介します。

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都合のいい女になっていないのかを探る

誰に聞いても答えはわかりません。答えは自分で見つけるしかないのです。

ズバリ聞いてみる

男性にとって「体の関係を持ちたい」という気持ちと「好き」という気持ちはとても似ています。

女性には考えられませんが、多くの男性が「心から好きなのか自分でもよくわからない」と答えています。

ですのであえて、「私のこと好き?」と質問してみましょう。もし彼が「急にどうしたの?」「なんでそんなことを聞くの?」と答えをあいまいにしたのなら、彼にとってあなたは都合のいい女なのかもしれません。

彼があなたのことを真剣に好きならば、いきなりの質問に困った顔を見せながらも「好きだよ」と答えてくれるはずです。

「好き」の大事なキーワードは「知る」

恋をすると女性も男性も自分のことを知ってもらいたくなります。あなたも自分の性格や好きなもの、嫌いなものなど色んなことを彼に知って欲しくはないでしょうか。彼はあなたに子どもの頃の話や将来の夢など、彼自身のことについて色々話してくれますか?

また知って欲しい気持ちと同様に、好きな相手のことも知りたくなるのが恋愛です。あなたがどんな考え方をしているのか、どんなものが好きなのか。あなたのことが大好きな彼ならきっと知りたいと思ってくれているはずです。

自分の気持ちも疑ってみる

あなたは本当に彼自身が好きですか?彼の魅力と彼の嫌いなところを紙に書き出してみましょう。紙に書き出すこと冷静に考えられます。どちらがより多く書き出せましたか?

もし彼の魅力の中に彼のやルックス、学歴、社会的地位、名誉、財力。そんなものが混じっていたのなら、もしかしたらあなたは彼を手に入れたいだけで、彼自身のことを好きではないのかもしれません。

彼の魅力の中にあなた自身のコンプレックスが混ざっていませんか。ルックスに自信がない人は彼のルックス。学歴に負い目を感じている人は彼の学歴。自分のコンプレックスをパズルのピースみたいに埋め込む恋愛と、自分とは違う内面に惹かれる恋愛は違います。

そして彼もそんなあなたに気づいているのかもしれません。書き出した紙を見て、もう一度よく考えてみてください。あなたは彼を好きなのですか?それとも「理想の彼氏」という存在が欲しいのですか?もしかしてひとりが寂しいだけではないですか?

内面の魅力で虜にする

あなたがもし都合のいい女だとして。彼が手放さないということはあなたには魅力があります。その魅力とはあなたの顔やスタイル、従順さだけになってはいませんか?

内側から愛される女になって彼を虜にしてしまいましょう。

笑顔

出典:http://free-photos.gatag.net/

聞き上手な女になる

彼とせっかくのデート、お互いの会話量のバランスは均等ですか?「私、この前ね」と自分の話ばかりをしていたら気をつけましょう。会話はキャッチボールです。自分ばかり話していたら、相手は退屈し会話に飽きてしまいます。

あなたが「一緒にいて楽しい!」と思える相手はどんな人ですか?思い浮かべてください。きっとあなたの話を興味深く熱心に聞いてくれる人だと思います。

人は自分の話を聞いてもらうだけで快感を覚えます。彼の声に耳をかたむけ、話しをよく聞きましょう。あいづちを打ち、「それから?」「どうなったの?」と、話をどんどん大きく膨らませ、大きく共感します。

自分にとっての良き理解者に人は無条件で好意を持ちます。彼にとって心の癒しになるような女性になりましょう。

耐える女にならない

彼に好きでいて欲しいあなたは、色んなことをがんばっているはずです。苦手な料理に挑戦してみたり、約束を急にドタキャンされても我慢したり。

その努力を彼が認めてくれない場合、あなたは自分の不満をちゃんと彼に伝えていますか?「嫌われてしまったら彼は私から離れてしまうかもしれない」その気持ちが都合のいい女を作ってしまう要因です。

周りを見てください。恋人に愛されている女性はちゃんとケンカをしています。2人の関係は対等です。不満を口にするときは「ここがいや」「ここがムカつく」という言い方をしないで、「こんなことは悲しい」という言い方にしましょう。

文句を言われると誰だってカチンとくるものです。「悲しい」と言われると、「悪いことをしたな」と思えるものです。

自立した女になる

精神的に自立している女性は魅了的です。モテる女性の共通点はみんな自分に自信があり堂々としています。自立した女性とはどんな女性なのでしょうか。

キャリアウーマン

出典:転職コラム _ 女性が転職しやすい転職サイトランキング

相手に依存しない

「彼にこうして欲しい」「彼とこんなことがしたい」そんなことばかり考えていませんか?「彼が優しくしてくれたから今日は幸せ」「彼が冷たかったから落ち込んで、仕事もうまくいかなかった」

まるでジェットコースターのような幸せと悲しみの波に乗ってはいけません。あなたの喜怒哀楽の決定権を彼に任せるのはやめましょう。もしあなたが彼に依存している自覚があるのなら、それは精神的なDVです。

だけど、彼にそのDVをさせているのはまぎれもなくあなた自身なのです。

過去の恋愛を完全完了させる

いつまでも過去の辛い恋愛を引きずっていませんか?出会って間もない男性に過去の辛い恋愛経験を話すとみんな優しくしてくれます。同情の言葉はかけてくれますが、そのときすでに男性は、「この女性はそんな扱いをされる女性なのだ」と、頭にインプットしてしまいます。

逆の立場で考えてみましょう。出会って間もない男性に、辛い過去の体験を聞いた場合と充実した幸せな体験を聞いた場合。どちらに好感が持てますか?

同情から始まる恋愛はもう終わりにしましょう。

主役は自分

人生の主役はあなたです。彼との恋愛はその一部です。彼と会っているときは彼との時間を楽しみ、会っていないときは自分の時間を楽しみましょう。

友だちとおしゃべりをしたり、趣味を楽しんだり、自分磨きをしたり。人生を楽しくすごしている女性はそれだけで魅力的にみえます。

「彼に努力し続けて選んでもらっている」のではなく「あなたが彼を選んだ」のです。いざというとき、いつでも彼を手放せる余裕を持ちましょう。そんなあなたの態度は少しミステリアスに見えて、彼もあなたという女性を見直すはずです。

ほんの少しの勇気を

「悲しい」ときは「悲しい」、「辛い」ときは「辛い」、「いや」なことは「いや」と言える勇気をもちましょう。

その結果が悲しいことになってしまっても、あなたのことを都合よく思っている男性ならこちらから別れる勇気も必要です。「くやしい」「見返したい」そんな感情がでてきたら、外面も内面も磨いて次の恋愛に活かしましょう。

あなた自身を本当に愛してくれる人はこの世界のどこかにいます。

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Check Also

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