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夫に甘えることと依存することの違い

atau

私の夫はとても気が利いて何でもササッと手伝ってくれて、子供たちともよく遊んでくれて、かなりのイクメンです。

仕事から帰って疲れているのに、私が子供たちとバタバタとご飯を食べていると、自分の夕食をキッチンで温めて用意してくれます。疲れて帰ってきているのに文句も言わずニコニコとやってくれます。洗濯物も気が付くとたたんでくれていたりして、とても助かっています。子供が生まれてから夫は積極的に育児を手伝ってくれます。

そんな夫を尊敬していますし、とても感謝しています。そして私はそんな夫に甘えさせてもらっています。時には甘え過ぎかな。。。と思う時もありますが(^^;もしかして依存気味!?

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甘えると依存の言葉の意味

甘えることと依存すること。とてもよく似ていて違いがわかりにくいですよね。いくつか辞書を引いてみると、甘えるとは、わがままを言う。かわいがってもらおうとする。

他人を利用して自分は苦労せずに利益を得る。などと書いてありました。依存とは、他のものに頼って生活する。他のものによりかかって生きる。などでした。言葉の意味を理解するのって難しいですね(^^;なんとなく違うような気もするけど実際に何が違うのでしょうか。

精神的に自立している?していない?

夫に甘えることと依存すること。その大きな違いは、甘える側が精神的に自立しているかどうかがポイントかなと思います。

精神的に自立していれば、夫にいろんなことを求めすぎず、夫の意見や考えを尊重できるのではと思います。また、依存している時は、その行為が当たり前になっている事が多いような気がします。例えば、子供のお世話などで忙しい時に夫が洗濯物取り込んだり畳んだりしてくれた時は甘え。洗濯物を取り込んだり畳んだりしてもらうのが当たり前になっていたら依存。かなと思います

。でもこれは例えなので、夫婦で役割分担を話合って、洗濯物を取り込んだり畳んだりするのは夫の役割。と決まっていたりする時は依存ではないと思います。お互いが自立してお互いを尊重して、お互いが納得していれば、依存にはならないのかなと思います。

甘えの先には依存が。。。!?

辞書にもあったように、依存とは他のものに頼ったり、よりかかって生活することです。夫に頼りっぱなしで夫がいないと何もできない、生活できない状態の事かなと思います。何でもやってもらって、それが当たり前になっていて、夫がいなくなると何もできなくなったり、生活できなくなったりするくらい甘えていたり。。。

依存とは、過剰な甘えの事かなと思います。自分で出来ることはするけど、難しかったりできない時は甘える。時には、ちょっとお願~い❤と甘える時も(*^^*)。夫とのそんなやり取りがあれば依存にはならないのではと思います。

手をつなぐ?腕にぶら下がる?

甘えとは夫と手をつなぐイメージで、依存とは夫の腕にぶら下がるイメージかなと思います。手をつないでいる時は、お互いの距離が保たれています。そして、どちらかが手を放したい時に手を離せて、また手をつなぐこともできます。でも腕にぶら下がっていると、ぶら下がられている方(夫)は、自分からぶら下がられていることを止めるのは難しいです。

振りほどいてもなかなかほどいてもらえなかったりする時もあったりして。そうなると夫は妻を負担に思ってしまう時がくるのでは。依存は相手の負担になっていることが多いのではと思います。

手をつないでいても、時には腕にぶら下がりたくなる時もあるかもしれません。腕にぶら下がったとしても、お互いを尊重して対等に付き合える仲だったら、また手をつないで歩いていけるのではと思います。ずっと腕にぶら下がったままだと、お互いを尊重できず、夫に負担がかかり過ぎてしまうので。。。あれ?もしかしてぶら下がり過ぎ。。。!?と感じたら、思い切って手を放してみるのがいいのではと思います。

そして夫と手をつないで歩いて行けたらステキですね。時には、ボディビルダーのような心の持ち主で、腕にぶら下がられてもびくともせず、むしろ嬉しいなんて方にとっては、依存も甘えになるかもしれないですが(^^;

ありがとう

夫に甘えさせてもらった時には、ありがとう!を伝えるようにしています。あっ。いつも絶対ではないですが。。。イライラしていて怒っていて、ありがとう!なんて言うもんか~!!と思う時もあったり。。。(汗)。いろいろやってもらいすぎで申し訳なくて、ありがとうの変わりにごめんね。と言ったり。。。いろいろですが。。。私の夫は無口で穏やかであまり表情を表に出さないタイプなのですが、ありがとう!と言った後の顔は、なんとなく嬉しそうな表情をしているような気がします。ほんとに寡黙な夫なので(笑)。

つい夫の表情を観察していろいろ想像してしまうクセができてしまい。。。時々観察していますが(笑)。ごめんね。と言った時よりも、ありがとう!と言った時の方が嬉しそうな顔をしています。そしてなんとなくですが。。。得意そうな。自信に満ちたような。。。大げさかな(^^;そんな雰囲気が出ているような気がします。なので、ありがとう!とできるだけ伝えるようにしています。甘えの後のありがとう!は夫の自信の源になっているのでは!?なんて勝手に思っています(^^;

まとめ

甘えと依存。似ているようですが、夫の肉体的にも精神的にも負担が大きく違うような気がします。夫の負担にならない程度に甘え、ありがとう!を伝えるのが大事なのかなと思います。ついつい甘えてしまうのですが。。。甘えの先には依存があって。。。甘えすぎると依存になってしまうこともあるので要注意ですね。やばい!気を付けなくちゃ(汗)!!

お互いに自立していると依存にはならないと思うので。。。自分のやりたいこと楽しいことなどを見つけて自分を持っていれば、時には腕にぶら下がっちゃっても、また手をつないで歩いて行けると思います。夫婦で仲良く手をつないで歩いていけたらステキですね。

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