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夫婦の会話がなくなってきている時に気をつけること

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夫婦の会話は結婚生活を続けていく上でとても大切なものです。会話をすることで、相手のことや気持ちを知ることができ、結びつきをどんどん強めていくことができるからです。

長く居るから分かり合っていると思う人も多いかもしれませんが、自分以外は自分ではなく、本当に人と解り合うということはとても大変なことなのです。だからこそ相手のことを良く知ろうと思えば、会話が大切になるのです。

小さな時に、おじいちゃんおばあちゃんが仲良く手をつないで歩いている姿を見て「あぁいう歳のとり方をしたい」「あんな夫婦でいたい」と思いませんでしたか。もし夫婦間で現在会話がなくなってしまっているのだとしたら、今一度軌道修正をはかりましょう。

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夫婦の会話がなくなるのは「すれ違い」の原因になる

夫婦の会話が少なくなってくると、「こんな風に思っているのかな」と、相手に対しての「思い込み」が生じます。相手が本当にどう考えているのかは別として、自分自身で様々な考えを思い込んでしまうことで、すれ違いの喧嘩をしたり、相手に対してのマイナスイメージを持ち、気持ちが離れていくということがおきてしまいます。

すれ違いは、相手ときちんと会話をして、自分の思い込みを正すことでを解消することとなります。「思い込む」のはよくないことを理解して、相手を理解しようと夫婦間での会話の時間を持つようにし、疑問に思うことはしっかりと確認するようにしましょう。。

夫婦の間の会話が少なくても愛情はある

また、夫婦の間の会話が少なくなっても、愛情がなくなっているという訳では必ずしもありません。

新婚のころは一緒にいるだけで幸せを感じることが多いでしょう。いつのころからか当たり前の感謝の言葉がなくなり、「私って愛されているのかな」と思うことが増えてきます。家事や育児に追われ、旦那に対しての不満がたまる日々。

ですが、当たり前だと思っている普段の生活の中にも旦那さんからの愛情があり、それに気づかずただ一人不満を感じて時間を過ごしてしまっているのかもしれません。

愛情表現の男女の違い

女性からしてみると「当たり前」と思う事でも、男性にとっては「愛情があるからこそしていること」なのかもしれません。

女性にとっては「家事」「育児」それぞれ毎日やり遂げて、掃除して綺麗になったこと、料理して美味しく作れたこと、子供のことを手抜きせずに頑張っている事、褒めて欲しいと思っているわけではなくても「当たり前には思わないでほしい」からこそ、たまにでも言ってもらえる「感謝の言葉」が心に響き、ものすごく嬉しかったりします。

男性にとっては「仕事」「家族の時間」自分のやりたい放題に毎日を過ごしているわけでもなく、嫌だと思う仕事、辛い仕事も逃げ出さずに頑張っていること、休みの日に自分の好きな事ばかりせず、家族との時間を作っている事が「愛情があるからこそ」やり遂げているのです。

女性からしたら働くことは家族があるのだから「当たり前」、休日家族と過ごすのも父親なのだから「当たり前」。それでも、男性にとってはそれは「愛情があるからこそ」なのです。お互いに愛情が伝わらないのは、お互いの愛情表現に気付けないからです。もしあなたが不安に感じるのであれば、言葉にして確かめてみましょう。「思い込み」はよくありませんから。

夫婦の会話がすくなくなった時に注意しておきたいこと

相手に求めすぎない

「会話が少ないから相手を理解できない」という事ももちろんありますが、もともと口数の少ない方はたくさんいます。

そんな人にたくさん話して欲しいと求めても難しい事。求めすぎては「なんでできないの」と、相手を否定することになり、上手くいかないことは「相手のせい」にしたくなります。お互い大人ですから否定されては反発もします。求めすぎず、相手のペースに自ら合わせていくことも大切です。

我慢をしない

夫婦生活いろいろな事があります。いろいろな我慢もあります。人間には感情があり我慢をし続けては、いつかは抑えられなくなります。どうしたら自分が「嬉しい」とか「楽しい」とか「喜び」を感じて過ごすことができるか考えてみてください。自分にとってプラスとなるように考えを変えるだけでも相手を責めたくなる気持ちは和らぐはずです。

自分から幸せに思える時間づくりを積極的にしてください。相手が喜びそうなことを考えるのではなく、自分がしたい事をして時間を過ごすだけでいいのです。そうすることで無理なく関係を続けていくことにも繋がります。

まとめ

喧嘩をして、はじめて相手の気持ちに気付くこともあります。喧嘩を避けたくて相手の気分を探るようでは、いつまでも二人の時間を心から楽しむことができません。お互い全く違う環境で育ち、感性も性格も考え方も違います。似ている点はあっても、同じではないのです。同じ時間を共に過ごし「幸せそうな顔」を見て、相手も「幸せ」を感じているはずです。

どんな時でも「思い込み」が優先してしまっては、素直に「幸せ」を感じる事すらできなくなってしまいます。そんな時間を過ごしていては一度きりの人生を無駄に過ごしていることになりませんか。会話を無理にしようとせず、お互いの好きな事、好きな場所、そんな時間を共にしていれば自然と会話だって増えてきます。無理に話題を見つけて話しているのとは違い、心も楽に、自然な笑顔で会話をすることができます。相手を想った生活が自然とできるようになるでしょう。

あなたの結婚生活がより良いものになることを願っています。

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