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人見知りを治す3つのコツ

考女性

学校やバイト先、あるいはご近所とのお付き合いのなかで「もしかしたら私は人見知りするタイプなのかなあ」と不安になる事ってありますよね。どうしても話の輪の中に入るタイミングがつかめない。1対1の時は会話が続かない。

ただ、話が苦手というのではなくて、相手の人が何を考えているのか分からないのが怖い。人見知りというのは、自覚がある人にとって治したい性格の筆頭にあがるものではないでしょうか。

今回は「人見知りを治す3つのコツ」をご紹介します。

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人見知りは欠点という誤解を捨てる

スーツ女性

実際に自分は人見知りする方だと自覚されている方にとって、その性格というのは全否定したくなる欠点と思ってしまいますよね。

「初対面の人ともすぐに盛り上がれる話し上手な人」はずっと高い対人スキルを持って人生を上手くやっている様に見えるかもしれません。話し上手、盛り上げ上手は最高の長所に見えるかも知れません。

でも違うんですよ。「人見知りの度合いが強い人」には、ご本人が自覚されていないだけで「相手の集団のオピニオンリーダーやムードメーカーが誰かを瞬時に見抜く力」と「相手の興味や集中力が途切れ始める瞬間を見抜く力」が備わっています。

この2つを、初対面の人ともすぐに盛り上がれるスキルを持つ人が身につけるのはとても難しいです。相手が誰でも、複数でも、なんとなく話を弾ませてしまうパターンが身についてしまっているからです。

そのスタイルでは「グループ全体から好かれても個別に親しくしようという人が出てくるところまでは踏み込めない」「1対1の間柄でも相手の本心までは踏み込めない」という短所が出てきます。

「初対面の人ともすぐに盛り上がれる人」は、どんな場面でも広く浅く、網を打つ様に人間関係を構築できます。「人見知りする部分がある人」は、相手グループのキーパーソンが一番聞きたい話を瞬時に判断できて、話を切り上げるタイミングも見誤ることがない、狙撃手みたいな対人スキルの素質を持っています。

人見知りする性格は、そのままではご自身を苦しめることもありますが、上手にコントロールすればとても高度な対人スキルに育つ「長所」なんです。

人見知りを治す第一歩

3つのコツの2つめは「第一歩を踏み出す」ことです。
よく、「怖がらずにどんどん話しかけてみましょう」「誰にでも通用する話題を持っておきましょう」「ヘンなプライドは捨てましょう!」というアドバイスを見かけます。

でも、怖いですよね。どんな話をすればいいか分からないから悩むんですよね。そのアドバイスは方向性はあっていますが、第一歩を踏み出す具体策にはなっていないと思います。

具体的でないアドバイスを、実践できなかったからといって悩む必要はありません。出来る事を見つけて、人見知りを治しましょう。

お奨めしたいのは「朝の身だしなみをきちんと整える習慣をつける」こと。遠回りな様で一番の近道です。朝起きて「今日は人の輪の中に入らなきゃ」だけ考えて外に出ても上手くいきません。

起きたら寝具を整える。朝食をきちんと摂る。洗顔して髪にも手をいれて、きちんと手入れした服に袖を通して、予定していた時間に家を出る。毎日の行動をきちんと習慣づけて、その延長線上に「一言添えた挨拶を交わす」を付け加えてください。

幾つもの行動を予定通りにこなした後は、頭の中もスッキリしているし気持ちも上向きになっています。そして「朝起きたらしなければいけない、当たり前の習慣」の最後に「挨拶を交わす」を付け加えること。これが本当に必要な第一歩です。

起きたらすぐに昨日のシャツに袖を通して、そのまま家を飛び出しても、自分の苦手は克服できません。「出来ることは当たり前に全部やっておいてから、ひとつだけ挑戦する」という習慣が大切です。

きっかけの話題は何でもいい、は間違いです

自分は人見知りが強くて。という方とよくよく話をすると、自分も参加したい人の輪で一番交わされている話題を大きく誤解されているのでは?と思うことがあります。

学校や職場で人の輪が出来ていたとして。一番多い話題は「在籍先の話題」です。学校のクラスなら授業の事。部活なら活動内容の事。職場なら仕事の事が結局一番多い話題になります。

バラエティ番組やアイドルの話、コミックスの話で盛り上がる時、笑い声は大きくなるかもしれませんが、ずっとその話ばかりしている訳ではないですよ。本当によく出て、互いに真面目になる話は、「おしゃべり以外の時間、自分達はそこで何をしているか」という所属先の話題になります。

働きに来ている場所でTVの話しか話題がない人、学校の運動部にいるのにファッションの話題しか出来ない人が、グループに溶け込める訳がありません。

人見知りを治す事に真剣に取り組んでいるのに上手くいかない人の中には、どうやらこの「話の輪への入り口」を間違えている人が多い様です。

おしゃべりの目的が息抜きだったとしても、息抜きの話題だけでずっとそのグループに留まるのは難しいです。
他の人たちは「仕事をしに」「勉強をしに」「部活をしに」その場に来ているのであって、息抜き目的でずっとそこにいる訳ではありません。

ではどうしたらいいでしょう?

気が抜ける様な結論に聞こえるかもしれませんが「普通にしている」でいいんですよ。普通に授業を受けて、分からないところや先生の気になったところがあったら、話好きそうな人ひとりにだけ「教えて?」と声を掛けてみてください。

「教えてもらう」という事に、話題を盛り上げるテクニックは必要ありません。普通に仕事をして、誰かに話してみたいエピソードがあったら「これどう思う?これでいい?」と声を掛けてみてください。

自分が情報を提供するのではなくて、感じたことを共有してほしい、知らないことを教えて欲しいという「話題の入り口」を探してください。

そして「ありがとう」と必ず言い添えてください。お礼を言われた方はきっと、「ところで・・・」と自分が興味のある話題を振ってきます。

そして「誰に、どこまで話をきけばいい?」という疑問は、人見知りに悩むあなたの素質がきっと見分けてくれると思います。「怖くない人」を探して下さい。きっと、上手くいきますよ。

人見知りを治す3つのコツのまとめ:

人見知りは完全否定しなければいけない短所ではありません。キーパーソンを見分けて、話の切り上げどころを外さない、高いスキルに育つ「長所」に変えられる素質です。

今の生活をもう少しだけきちんとする事を習慣づけて、勤め先や通学先で真面目に本分に取り組んで、そして少しまわりの人に「応援して」という気持ちを表せば自然と人見知りは治す事ができます。

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