黒鳥
黒鳥

大人の人見知りの治し方

黒鳥

イントロ: 赤ちゃんの人見知りは成長のしるしであり、あくまでも一時的なものという認識がありますから、周囲も暖かく見守ってくれます。しかし大人の人見知りはなかなか厄介ですね。

本記事では、
1 赤ちゃんと人見知りのちがいは?
2 大人の人見知りは治せるか?
3 人見知りはあなたの個性
という順序でお話していきます。

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赤ちゃんと人見知りのちがいは?

子供

赤ちゃんの人見知りのメカニズムを改めてご説明しましょう。

成長のしるし

赤ちゃんの人見知りは、お母さんの顔や声、体温や抱っこされているときの感触を覚えて、お母さんがわかるようになったということです。そのためにお母さん以外の人が現れると、赤ちゃんは「お母さんではない」と判断し、「いやだ」と泣きだすのです。

つまり成長のしるしであり、むしろ喜ばしいこと。個人差はありますがほとんどの赤ちゃんが1歳半くらいまでには人見知りを卒業しますから、心配はいりません。

大人の人見知りとは?

それに対して大人の人見知りとはどんな状態を言うのでしょうか?内気で初対面の人とすぐに打ち解けられなかったりなど社交的でないことや、引っ込み思案で照れ屋のことを、「人見知り」と言う場合があると考えるのが一般的でしょう。

しかしながら仕事で顔合わせをしたときに、相手から「わたしは人見知りでして」と言われると、「赤ちゃんじゃあるまいし」と批判的な印象を持つかもしれませんし、こちらの顔を見ずにもじもじされたら、「ちゃんと仕事ができるのか」と腹を立てる可能性もあります。

「大人の人見知り」ということばにこだわらず、その中身、具体的にどのような性質か、治す方法があるのかを考えていきましょう。

大人の人見知りは治せるか?

赤ちゃんの人見知りなら成長につれていつのまにか治ってしまいますが、大人の場合、その人の性質、性格として根づいていると考えたほうがよいでしょう。

対人恐怖症や過度なあがり症でコミュニケーション不全を引き起こすとなると、何らかの治療が必要でしょう。そこまで深刻ではないが、人間関係がいまひとつうまくいかないという状態に対して、以下3つのポイントに添ってお話していきますね。

  • どんな相手に対して「人見知り」になるのか?
  • 「そとがわ」とのつきあい方
  • 人見知りに向く職業もある?

どんな相手に対して「人見知り」になるのか?

自分が人見知りだと認識するあなたは、どんな相手に対して打ち解けられませんか?これまでの経験を振り返ってみてください。

親やきょうだい、配偶者、親しい友だちに対してなら、そんなに緊張せず会話ができますよね?「うちがわ」の人はだいじょうぶなのです。

では少し離れてみましょう。学校や職場、地域など「そとがわ」の人たちに対してはどうですか?初対面の人と打ち解けるには時間がかかるし、一対一ならともかく、大勢の人のなかで発言するのは苦手ですね。

今度はもっと遠くです。社会ぜんたいに目を向けてみましょう。あまりに広すぎてつかみどころがないですね。自分とは直接の関わりを持ちにくい「よそ」の世界に対しては、向こうがあなたに近づいてこない限りだいじょうぶなのでは?

つまりあなたにとって問題なのは、「そとがわ」の人に対してということがわかっていただけたと思います。

「そとがわ」とのつきあい方

そとがわの人たちは、まだあなたのことをよく知りません。だからいろいろな方法でコミュニケーションをとろうとします。これはあなたともっと近づきたい、親しくなりたいという気持ちのあらわれです。無関心ならこんなことはしません。

明るくて誰とでもすぐに仲良くなれる人は友だちもたくさんいて、人気者です。けれどあなたにはあなたの良さがありますから、悲観的になることはありません。時間がかかるのは、それだけ相手を大切にしたいからです。つまり誠実な心のあらわれ。それが相手に伝わればだいじょうぶ。

人見知りに向く職業もある?

「営業職」や「販売職」。明るく元気な人、積極的な人、話上手な人に向いていると思いますか?

でもまわりを見まわしてみると、もの静かな営業さんや無口な店員さんがいませんか?そういう人の営業成績が社内でトップクラスだったり、「あの人に見立ててもらいたい」と顧客からご指名があるケースがとても多いのです。なぜでしょうか?

それは人見知りの短所が長所として活かされているからです。人見知りの人は、相手に無遠慮なふるまいはしません。距離を持って少しずつ接してきます。じっくり商品を吟味したい人、ちゃんとした情報が欲しい人にとって、もの静かな営業さん、無口な店員さんは信頼できる相手なのです。もっとも無口が無愛想になってはいけませんが。

明るくて八兆口八丁の人は、短期間で成果を出せるでしょう。しかし相手との堅固な信頼関係を築けるのは、むしろ人見知りのあなたである可能性も高いのです。ファンの人数では明るい人に叶わなくても、ファンひとりひとりの信頼の強さや深さでは、人見知りさんが優ります。

人見知りはあなたの個性 

人見知りを欠点、短所だと悲観するか、そこを長所に転化するよう前向きにとらえるかは、あなた次第です。本稿はそんなあなたへのエールをこめて、人見知りはひとつの個性であると伝えようと思います。

最後にもう一度、大人の人見知りについて考える3つのポイントを上げておきますね。

  • どんな相手に対して「人見知り」になるのか?
  • 「そとがわ」とのつきあい方
  • 人見知りに向く職業もある?
人見知りが治るノート
人見知りが治るノート

posted with amazlet at 14.05.08
反田 克彦
すばる舎
売り上げランキング: 7,843

まとめ:

赤ちゃんならいずれ消えてしまう人見知りですが、大人の場合はその人の性質、性格であり、周囲の視線も厳しいものがあります。人見知りを欠点や短所としてとらえず、長所に転化するよう発想を変えることを提案します。

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