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子供が人見知りなんです、原因はあなたかも

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赤ちゃんの人見知りを心配をしているお母さんも少なくないはずです。まだ言葉で伝えられない赤ちゃんの場合は特に心配ですよね。

赤ちゃんの人見知りは、コミュニケーションの始まりとして脳と心の発達を考えるキーポイントです。個人差もありますが、一般的な赤ちゃんの発達は次のようです。

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赤ちゃんの人見知り

赤ちゃん

1.生後3カ月~4カ月になると、赤ちゃんは自分に向けられた人の笑顔に特異的に笑顔を作って返すようになります。

顔を合わせる人の口の動きに敏感に反応し、笑顔を自分に向けた相手が人であれば、家族以外でも相手を選ばず、ほとんど無差別に笑顔を返すのが特徴的です。

2.生後5カ月~6カ月になると、人の笑顔にとりあえず笑顔で答えたあと、あるいは、笑顔を作りながら少し考える時間が出現します。

母親が笑顔を見せると乳児は安心して笑顔を作ります。この時期に赤ちゃんは既に母親という「他者の心の状態」を自分の心の中に取り込もうとし始めているのです。

3.生後6カ月~8カ月になると、それまで無差別に見せていた笑顔は出なくなり、母親と世話をする家族以外には笑顔を返す事が極めて少なくなります。

見知らぬ人が笑って近づいても、泣きそうな顔と微妙な笑顔との間を複雑に往復して、泣き笑いの表情を数秒間つづけ、最後は目をそらして相手の視線を避けるようになります。

仮に父親であっても単身赴任で滅多に会わないと人見知りの対象となります。

4.生後8カ月~12カ月になると、日常的に接触している親しい人以外には笑顔は示さず、不審そうに見つめたり、たいていの場合は視線を避けて恐れたように泣いて逃げようとする完全な『乳児期の人見知り』が出現します。

5.生後12カ月以降、少しずつ恐怖反応が軽くなり、言葉を話し始めるころに他者とのコミュニケーションに積極的に参加するように成長していきます。

以上が通常の子供のコミュニケーション能力の発達ですが、人見知りの開始や終了時期、そして強さには家族ごとに異なる家系的な差があって、一般的に兄や姉が人見知りが強いと下の子も同様に強いようです。

母親の影響が大きい?

そして、親の心や気持ちに良く反応することは間違いありません。自分の子は人見知りだからと、親が不安を抱えていると、赤ちゃんはお母さんも気持ちをくみ取って、一緒に不安になってしまいます。不安になった赤ちゃんは、お母さんから離れようとしません。余計人見知りをするのです。2~3歳になっても、人見知りがなかなか直らない場合は、お母さん以外の人と接触する機会が少ないことが一つの原因と考えられます。

子供の人見知りは、不安や恐怖です。お母さん以外の大人の心が読めなくて(味方か敵か)、不安なのです。よく見ると、お母さんとその人の顔を見比べているはずです。一生懸命、見極めようとしているのです。できるだけたくさんの人に接して、大人は優しいという認識を植え付けてください。

学校でグループに入れない

小学校高学年くらいから、人見知りが邪魔をしてグループに入っていけない、でも本当はグループに入りたい。そんな事で悩む事がありますよね。人見知りだとなおさら悩むでしょう。

まず大事なことは、そのグループに本当に入りたい、そこにいる人達と仲良くしたい、と思っているのかどうかを、よく考えてみることです。仮に 「グループの中にいて安定したい、守られたい」という気持ちだけで入りたいのであれば、入ったことでかえって学校生活が息苦しくなることも考えられます。

必要なのは「仲間」

極端な例ですが、笑いの絶えないとても楽しそうで元気なグループがいたとしましょう。しかし、実は陰でいじめをしているようなグループだったらどうしますか?一度できたグループって、なかなか抜け辛いところもあるでしょうし、それでは返って居心地が悪いのではないでしょうか?

グループとは、「入る・入らない」ではなくて、自然と出来るものです。グループというより、”仲間” と言い換えた方がいいのかもしれません。そこに自分がいて心地良いかどうか、という事が大切なのです。また、”仲間”ができるのに時間のかかる人もいれば、すぐにできる人もいます。

あせらない、無理しない

あなたが人見知りだったとしても、気の合う人はきっと見つかります。そして10人もいる”仲間”もあれば、2人だけの”仲間”もあります。比較的おとなしい人は、おとなしい人同士で、明るい人は賑やかな人同士で、自然とグループができてきます。

グループができない時は自分で目標を作りましょう。読書、スポーツ、勉強と1人で頑張れるものは沢山あります。意外に1人好きは必ずいます。珍しくありません。みんなも本当は1人の方が気楽と思っていても無理して付き合っているのです。

人見知りが治るノート
人見知りが治るノート

posted with amazlet at 14.05.05
反田 克彦
すばる舎
売り上げランキング: 37,310

まとめ

いかがですか。赤ちゃんの人見知りは母親の影響が大きいかも知れません。でも思春期が近づくと、子供は多かれ少なかれ人見知りするものです。子供は自分の悩みを親に知られるのを嫌がるのもこの時期です。人生を親から離れて歩き出す第一歩といえるでしょう。温かく見守ってあげて下さい。

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