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一目惚れからの恋愛の先にあるもの

恋愛

たまたま見掛けて。たまたま隣の席になって。たまたま紹介されて。その他のたまたまが引き起こす様々な遭遇。それを、自らが運命的な出会いと言う言葉に置き換えてしまった途端に“恋に落ちた”状態になるのが一目惚れという現象ではないでしょうか。あまり理屈っぽく定義づけることもないでしょうが、そう解析してみると何かが見えてくる様な気もします。

たまたまという言葉自体がまず問題。日常生活では朝、家を出てから帰宅するまでに数えきれないほど多くの人々と接近し、目を合わせ、言葉を交わしています。つまり運命的な出会いは毎日無数に起きていることなのです。それなのに、ある特定の人に限って運命的な出会いと位置づけるのは合理的な判断とは言い難いですね。それでも、そう思わずにいられない理由は何かといえば、十中八九が自分好みのルックスを具えている人を至近距離に認めたから、恋愛したいからです。

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著者が気になるのは、その感情はその時点においてあくまで一方的なものであることです。20代以降なら、既婚者だったり恋人がいて不思議のない対象ですし、ましてルックスは自分が瞬間的に惹かれる位なのだから、その可能性は一層高いと見るのが妥当でしょう。著者は、一目惚れも、一目惚れからの恋も決して否定はしません。キラキラとした夢があって素敵なことだと思います。そもそもこのテーマを理論立てて考察すること自体がナンセンスなのかもしれません。ですが、一目惚れからの恋の成就には多難な何かを感じざるを得ないのです。

そこで当欄では、一目惚れからの恋にまつわる幾つかのお話をしたいと思います。どちらかの一目惚れから始まりつつある状況の人にとっては、かなり熱い状態で耳に入らないかも知れませんが、鉄は熱い内に打てのことわざもあります。単純そうで幾つかの要素を孕む一目惚れ。少し冷静になって、確認の意味も含めて何かの一助になれば幸いです。

  1. 意外に単純な一目惚れという現象
  2. 一目惚れからの恋のリスク-1
  3. 一目惚れからの恋のリスク-2
  4. 年齢とともに一目惚れしなくなる?

1.意外に単純な一目惚れという現象

冒頭に記したように、一目惚れは十中八九が好みのルックスである人との遭遇です。そこには、ファッションセンスや所作や言葉使いもあるでしょう。恋愛対象を結婚対象にしている場合は、女性なら男性の職業や経済力、将来性が。男性なら夫婦としての理想的な生活が投影しやすい、つまりそう遠くない価値観とか家事や親との付き合いなど、自分ができるだけ楽なパーソナリティを理想に描いているでしょう。

ある年齢に達していれば、“自分のタイプ”はどんどん絞られていきます。周囲に感化されたり、ある意味偏った教育など半強制的に植え付けられた嗜好の時期を過ぎて、チェックポイントの優先順位に独自性が確立していくからです。これは、何も人だけが対象ではありません。趣味全般にも言えることですし、ファッションも同じ。自分の理想像を徐々に明確にしていくことであり、同じ推移を経たものと言えます。

ちなみに、著者も過去には一目惚れで靴やシャツを買ったことが幾たびかあります。これを衝動買いと言いますが、一目惚れを衝動恋愛と呼んでも違和感があまりないことからも、ある種同じと言っていいかもしれません。すぐに手が届かない分、急激に思いが募るのでしょう。

2.一目惚れのリスク-1

仮に、あなたがいま付合っている人がいなくて、絶対的なNG要素のない人物から交際を熱望されたらどうでしょう。周囲の人は付合っている人がいるのに、とか、恋愛そのものに欲求が高まってきている状態だとしたら。そして、相手からは運命的出会いというようなニウヮンスの決定的な言葉付きのアプローチをされたら。目前の問題解消の相手として、容認してしまう可能性は少なからずありそうです。

2人が同じように響き合っての関係なら何の問題もないでしょう。でも、初めは相手の押しのままに何となく付合ったという場合では、その先にありがちな、惚れた弱みと惚れられた強みの存在、また、その影響が気になります。勿論、互いの距離感が近づかない場合は早晩破綻する筈ですが、そんな場合に、得てしてアプローチされた方が別れを持ち出すとは限りません。むしろ、その逆が多い気もします。それは、おそらく自分の期待を裏切る相手の実態を知ったことによるのです。貴重な人生経験とは言え、お疲れさまなことではありますね。

3. 一目惚れのリスク-2

ここでは、一目惚れしやすい人について触れます。性別を問わず、“惚れっぽい質(たち)”の人というのはいるもので、苦い経験や辛い思いをしても尚、同じ様なことを繰り返す、いわゆる男女関係における業(ごう)の強い人のことです。少々著者主観がありますが、結論から言えば、このタイプの人は今度こそという思いになって、結局添い遂げる相手と巡り会えない場合が多い気がします。今度こそ、という気持ちが強くなって宜しくない心理状態に陥っている点は、ギャンブル依存症と同じかもしれません。

恋愛にギャンブルをするなとは言いません。勝てばいいのですし、そのゲーム性も魅力のひとつでしょう。但し、ギャンブルも仕事や勉強と同じで学習が不可欠です。情報収集不足と言ってしまえば味も素っ気もない話になりますが、もう少し相手をよく見て、知ってから、人として異性としての魅力を感じるように、肝心なゾーンを少し先にスライドさせてみることを試してみてください。決して慎重過ぎることではない筈です。

4.年齢とともに一目惚れしなくなる?

人生経験を重ね、多くの人々と知り合い、その中から仕事や趣味で付き合い、杯を交わし、悩みを相談できる人が生まれる。そういった経緯を経て今がある概ね40代以降の人には、一目惚れはまずありません。理由は簡単です。初対面で相手の外面、一面に人間としての判断基準を見出すことがないからです。かなり昔の、初恋の人にそっくりな人との遭遇があっても、実際は甘酸っぱい感傷にわずか数分間浸る程度のものに過ぎません。それが人生経験。

寂しいこと、でしょうか。確かに少し寂しい。今さら、運命的出会いと言い切ることで現状の環境や培ってきたものと別れ、引き換える冒険ができないのは、当然のこととは云えどこか悲しい気もします。ひとりの男として、ひとりの女としての幸福の限界をどこかの時点で線引きしたのだから、人との出会いにときめきは不要という理屈もあまり賛成はしたくない。逆に、長寿国らしい話として、昨今は高齢者の交際が取り沙汰されています。丈夫な身体が精神を若く保っているのでしょう。いい歳をして、という恥の認識や、旧態依然としたモラルはそろそろこの日本にも不要な時代になってきたかも知れません。

一目惚れの科学 (ディスカヴァー携書)
森川 友義
ディスカヴァー・トゥエンティワン
売り上げランキング: 102,129

まとめ:

一目惚れからの恋愛はある意味で、一度成就しています。但し、それは一目惚れした方の話。
後から相思相愛になったのだから結果良ければすべて良し、と言ってしまえば元も子もありませんが、一目惚れからの恋愛がギャンブル性の高いことには違いないのです。失敗を恐れない恋愛は、その瞬間特に魅力的です。不倫の恋はその象徴です。そんな逆境こそ、“運命的な出会い”に似合うドラマチックなファクター。一目惚れでの恋愛を幾度も繰り返す人は、恋に落ちる自分を常に夢見がちな人、かもしれません。計算高くなる必要はありませんが、少しだけでも相手の中身を知る癖をつけるようにしてみることをお勧めします。

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